To begin with, I want to remind you of the differences between how men and women approach and experience sex.
To set the stage, I first want to talk about "experience."
As humans, we use our five primary senses to take in information about the world. This is called "Perception." Most of this happens on an SUBCONSCIOUS level.
We then take what we get from our senses and we process this information. We compare it to what we've experienced before, we classify it, we imagine it in different ways, and we have SUBCONSCIOUS reactions to it.
Next, we make decisions about what we're going to do with what we just experienced. Again, these are mostly, again, SUBCONSCIOUS.
Finally, we take action on what we decided to do. You guessed it... again, mostly subconsciously.
This description is oversimplified, but I think it's a useful model to work with here.
Basically, I believe that men and women go through these four stages a little differently. And when it comes to sex, I believe that they go through them much differently.
I mention this because most people deal with other people the way that they want to be dealt with. They communicate in ways that make sense to themselves. They usually assume that they know what's best for others without checking first.
This only makes sense. Most people don't walk around saying to themselves "Hmmm, I wonder if Sarah tastes the same thing as I do when she drinks coffee?" and "I wonder if water tastes exactly the same to her... or if it's just slightly different..."
Most people have asked these questions once or twice in life, but they usually stop asking once they decide that most people have the same experiences as they do when they drink coffee, etc.
Here's the deal: When it comes to most "grossí"experiences (meaning common level) like getting hit with a baseball, tasting salt, or seeing a colour, we as humans usually have pretty similar experiences.
But when it comes to "subtle" experiences (meaning less extreme, and in this context, also more complex) people, and especially different genders, have vastly different experiences.
For instance, if you show a man and a woman a picture of a Victoriaís Secret catalogue, the man will usually notice all of the women, while the woman will notice the clothing, including the colours and the details.
Finally, the order or sequence of experiences and thoughts have a major role in the responses that men and women demonstrate.
In the area of sex, men are usually pretty simple: See hot woman, get turned on and want sex. All in about 1-3 seconds. A man can be outside working on his car and see a beautiful woman out of the corner of his eye, and instantly be in the mood.
On the other hand, women are a bit more complex. Even if a woman sees a handsome man, she will RARELY get sexually turned on. The first thing that women experience when they SEE an attractive man is usually more of a curiosity or intrigue... a wanting to know more.
If a man smiles at a woman, the woman usually interprets the smile as "Hi, you look nice and friendly."
If a woman smiles at a man, the man usually interprets the smile as "I'm interested in sex."
This one difference causes many first meetings to go the wrong way.
Here's the deal: In general, it takes women longer to get in "The Mood" for sex, and it happens differently than it does for men.
As I talk about sex and how to do it better, you need to keep this in mind. Some of the things I'm going to tell you might sound like just "interesting" ideas, or unusual things to do.
While they may be interesting and unusual, they are all specifically to appeal to the female mind and mating preferences. 50,000 years ago women had to figure out some way to determine if a man was going to be a good provider and a loyal mate.
I believe that the concept of "Romance" was that way.
If a man was really interested, he would go through some demonstrations of his devotion... and be willing to wait for sex. And so it goes. Women love things like "taking your time", "anticipation", "sensory rich experiences", "romantic talk" and "foreplay."
I know, I know. We all want a woman that gets turned on by just seeing your unshaven face and dirty hair in the morning. But these are the cards we were dealt, and we might as well learn how to play them in this lifetime.
So I just mentioned a bunch of ideas. Let's tie them together.
As far as the senses go: In general, women get turned on by a few major categories of things:
1. Voice tone, sensual (not sexual) language, and vivid descriptions. Women love to hear a sexy voice describing ideas, feelings, and scenarios in painful detail.
2. A wide range of different touching, kissing, stroking, caressing, and cuddling.
3. Smells and smelling. Women love great cologne. And women love to be smelled.
4. Tastes. Women love to be fed all kinds of wonderful things like Strawberries, chocolate, and champagne.
Did you notice anything missing from the list?
I left out SIGHT on my list. Why?
Well, women don't get turned on as much by sight as they do by other senses. Men are usually more turned on by visuals than by the other four senses combined. Women are turned on more by the others.
Ití' true that what you look like can PREVENT you from being attractive due to not taking care of yourself, not being her "type" or whatever.
But I believe (and have proven to myself over and over) that if you pave the way correctly, you can overcome looks and get a woman VERY sexually stimulated by using her other senses and her imagination.
Next I talked about how women notice details. Women notice subtle things. If you rub a woman's hand, she'll feel warm and friendly toward you.
If you very very gently and slowly run the tips of your fingers over her hand, she will begin to get aroused (other conditions have to be right, of course).
If you kiss a woman on the lips and stick your tongue down her throat, she'll probably be disgusted. But if you kiss her gently... then slowly pull away and look into her eyes... then kiss her again slowly and gently... you'll start a fire inside of her that will build (if you do everything else correctly as well).
I also mentioned romance. To me, romance is simply demonstrating to a woman that this whole encounter and "relationship" with her is meaningful. It's a way of saying ìI want to create a great experience for you to her. If you play up the romance too much, you'll push a button inside of a woman called "He loves me and wants to marry me." So be careful.
I recommend sticking to the kinds of romance that involve the senses, and not the kind that involve money, gifts, and love letters. There's nothing wrong with these... itís just that they lead to the M word. If you want a wife, great. If not, use care and stick to the senses.
I believe that anticipation, excitement, and tension are some of the biggest turn-ons that a woman can feel. Women LOVE to wonder whatís coming next. They LOVE to be surprised. They LOVE to be waiting on the edge of their seats.
Here are a few ways to do it:
1. Say "I have a surprise for you." Then say "But I'm not going to give it to you yet... it's for later." The surprise can be anything from a piece of chocolate to some melon-scented massage oil that you bought to rub her shoulders. It doesn't matter. The key is to pique her curiosity and make her want to know what it is.
2. Put a blindfold on her. Women LOVE to be blindfolded! Don't ask, just do it. Go grab a scarf out of your closet (silk if you have it) and put it on her. Remember, women are turned on more by their other senses anyway. Turning their vision off heightens their other senses and makes them even more responsive.
3. When you're doing something that's turning her on, STOP. This seems counter-intuitive, but it's the promise land. Guys like to find what feels good and KEEP DOING IT BABY. Women like to have what feels good taken away... so they can feel some more anticipation!
Do you get it? Come up with your own ways to build anticipation. Tell her a story about someone that felt anticipation. Tell her you're feeling it. Whatever. Just make her anticipate what's coming next.
Stimulating Her Senses
So how do you best stimulate these other four senses in a way that will turn her on? Now that's a GREAT question.
1. Touch her very very gently and slowly. Use the very tips of your fingers. Run them over her arms, neck, shoulders, lips, hands, legs, feet... everywhere. If you avoid her breasts, crotch, and ass, you'll even get her more turned on for later (Remember anticipation? It will drive her crazy... "When is he going to touch my tits?").
2. Kiss her sensually. Let the first kiss be very light... almost a brush. Then wait (anticipation). Kiss her 100 times on the neck and shoulders. Suck on her lips gently. Lick her just a tad on the neck, shoulders, and lips. Think eating an ice-cream cone, then tone it back a bit. Like you're tasting her a little each time.
3. Feed her little bits of things that are sexy. Try strawberries, chocolate, champagne. Also, go out and get yourself some of that "Kama Sutra Oil" at the adult store. The flavoured kind not only tastes good, it HEATS UP if you put it on and breathe on it. Nice.
4. Smell her. Smell her neck and shoulders for about 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT. No kissing. No licking. Just smelling for 5-10 minutes. Gently run your nose and lips over her shoulders and neck smelling her. Say "Mmmmm... you smell good. I'm just going to smell you for awhile." You're going to love how she reacts to this.
5. Talk sexy to her. Men like to hear "I want it harder big boy"... women like to hear "Your lips feel so soft and sexy. I love the way your lower lip feels when I kiss it... And I could just kiss you for hours... it feels so nice." Women love to hear about the DETAILS, remember?
6. Tell her stories, and describe what you're going to do to her. If she's getting turned on, take a few minutes to whisper in her ear exactly what you're going to do to her. "You know what I'm going to do next? First, I'm going to slowly and gently kiss your shoulders... and then work my way up to your neck... smelling your sexy perfume... mmm... you smell soooo good... then, I'm going to kiss you deeply..." Get it? Also tell her what feels good in the same detailed way. Use a soft, slow, deep tone of voice.